Christm--er-- Non-denominational Holiday Wish List

It's been two weeks since my last post, and since I can't think of anything interesting to write about, I thought I'd share my wish list with you guys. Now, obviously I won't get all of these things (most of the items on the list are very pricey), but it would be nice to get even one:

(the following items are in no particular order)

Gibson Les Paul

These are some of the best guitars available, period. Since the '50s, Les Pauls have been around, rocking socks off and blowing minds. I would be fortunate to be the owner of even one of the lowest end Les Pauls; they are just that awesome. And hey, who wouldn't want to shred on the same kind of axe as legends like Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix (yes, he mostly used Fender's, I know), Jimmy Page, Joe Walsh, and Les Paul himself (just to name a few)? The only problem is the price: these babies can run you from $500 to several thousand dollars.

mmm...humbucker.

iMac

Whine, whine, whine all you want. These computers are really handy. They come with just about everything you'll ever want in a computer right out of the box (except games, I know) and are just so darn easy to use. The main reason I want one is for its video editing capabilities. Using Microsoft Movie Maker (the crappy free software that comes with Windows) can definitely be frustrating at times; you try adding sound effects, music and voice overs with only one available audio channel. They're also fast, virus free, and as good as, if not better than PCs at most of your regular computer related activities. Oh, and I forgot too mention how damn fine they look.

You can almost hear Schnelly bitching across the interwebs.

Hard Drive Camcorder

Now here's another expensive item on the list. You can get any old video camera nowadays for upwards of $200, but the problem with these is that it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to transfer that footage to a computer, due to the fact that it's recorded on an old fashioned analogue cassette. The simplest solution to this problem is a camcorder that records to a built in hard drive, meaning all you have to do to transfer that footage to your PC is plug in that handy dandy universal usb cable of yours. Obviously, this hard drive comes at a price. Even the most rudimentary HDD camcorders will run you $500. Can't you just feel that wallet getting lighter?


Snowboard

I have a snowboard. The problem is that it's massive, and has a a weight comparable to that of an obese walrus. It's also too long, which helps you go fast, but also makes tight cornering difficult. I got it last year, used, for less than a hundred bucks, and thought it was a pretty good deal (which it was), but I would still appreciate a board more suited to my own height and weight, rather than that of the afore mentioned walrus.

Unfortunately, you probably won't find a good, new snowboard for less than two or three hundred bones.

That's totally me.

Rock Band

This game is teh bomb. I think I've mentioned it before in this blog, but I just have to do it again. Rock Band is a 1-4 player cooperative game that allows you to form your very own "rock band" and play through all kinds of intense rock hits from the past 4 or 5 decades. It's really meant to be played with your friends though. One guy shreds on the the guitar, another lays down the beat on the drums, another plays bass, and finally, every band must have a good singer (yeah...right).

How does this work, you ask? Well, the game comes with three accessories; a model fender stratocaster, a "real" drum kit, and a genuine microphone. Because of all these fancy peripherals, the boxed set costs upwards of $160, depending on what country you live in and what store you go to. You can always buy the game on its own, but where's the fun in that?

That guy? Also me.

Other Games

Mass Effect, The Orange Box, Call of Duty 4, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (I know, I still don't have it), Assassin's Creed, Mario, Mario, Mario, and more Mario games, Zack and Wiki (buy it), tons of Virtual Console games, and AGHGHGHHGHHHH so many more!

The snake is representative of the video game industry.

iPod Touch

I know I've mentioned this before, so I'll get to the point. This little gizmo is cool with a capital "K". I don't know what else to say. Except that that rhymes. And I'm out of time. So buh-bye.

-Funkin' out

Oh yeah, Connor and Colby wanted me to mention that they've just started their own YouTube account. Their first video is about a grouchy granny, but I wouldn't want to spoil any major plot points, so you can watch it yourself.

The Fab Five

I've changed the name. "Fab Five" is more original, don'tcha think? And it's got the whole Beatles reference going on. That's just cool, there's no getting around it.

Right.

Anyway.

The Fab Five - December 2007

#5: Heroes - the season finale

This episode was awesome! For those of you who don't watch Heroes, shame on you. I know the season hasn't been exactly consistent, but hell, this finale sure made up for it. It's hard to believe the second season is already over. Damn this writer's strike! I wish they would get it together so all my favourite shows can go back into production. Okay, I'm getting off topic.

This episode had everything you could possibly hope for: excellent writing and storyline, brilliant acting, mysterious deaths, fatal explosions, time travel, apocalypse inducing viruses, attempted mind control, assholes being buried alive, floating cans of spinach, and the rebirth of a seriously bad-ass villain. In short, the episode did not disappoint.

dead sexy

#4: Coca-Cola (and other soft drinks)

I don't know what's up with me, but I suddenly have this incredible desire to drink Coke all the time. It tastes too good. I think they may have started spiking this shit with nicotine or something because, dear God, it's so GOOD. I can't find the cherry vanilla flavour anymore though; I hope it hasn't been discontinued. I nearly cried when they stopped making regular Vanilla Coke. That stuff was the bomb. My other new soda infatuation is with cream soda. Not that Fanta crap (it tastes like soapy bubble gum, ugh!), the Crush kind. It's pink, but damn if it ain't tasty.

#3: The Deep Dark Woods

This is an awesome folk band from my homeland of Saskatchewan. The lead singer and guitarist, Ryan Boldt, is a family friend of mine, and back when I was growing up on the prairies, he was almost like a big brother to me.

The Deep Dark Woods have been around for a few years now, and they have two CDs out, even if they aren't very well known. Their music is old school, but still relevant, and their lyrics are deep and really smart. You really should definitely check out some of their tunes, (my personal favourite is "Redwood Forest") which can be found here: http://www.myspace.com/deepdarkwoods or buy their CD "Hang Me Oh Hang Me". I did ;)

Ryan's on the far left

#2: Guitar Hero

In my last video we made fun of a Guitar Hero fanatic, but I wouldn't say he's entirely fictional. I really do love the game (maybe not as much as "Funkmaster14") and it's actually pretty cool. Despite what some real guitarists would have you think, there actually is quite a bit of challenge to the game (you try playing on expert difficulty), and playing the game has virtually no connection to playing an actual guitar, making the these "real" guitarists' arguments moot. Most simply, this is just a really fun music/rhythm game which just about anyone can pick up and play and have a blast with. And it has a killer soundtrack.

#1: The Christmas season

Everyone one loves the holidays. No work, good food, quality family time; it's all good (well, maybe you can strike that last one). Everyone's so happy at Christmas time. I don't know what it is, but it's weird. And I like it. Even House likes Christmas.

Oh, and how could I forget the presents. Yes, we know everyone's favourite part of Christmas is the presents. Don't even try to pretend it's not. Sure, it's baby Jesus' birthday and we're all supposed to love each other, but all you really want is that fancy new 1080p 60 inch plasma display in the window at Best Buy. Or at least I do...

Until next time --

-Funkin' out.

The Steven Summers Show (with Steven Summers)

This weekend I filmed an epic new video with the help of my brilliant friends Adrian and Brook (Schnelly was there too, he just did a lot more hindering than helping). In short, it's a spoof on talk shows, and its called (you guessed it) the Steven Summers Show. I just finished editing it a few minutes ago and put it up on YouTube for all to enjoy. But enough talking about it; just watch it. Hopefully you'll you'll have as much fun watching as we did making it (ya, I know you didn't have any fun, Schnelly).



Don't miss the outtakes at the end of the show. Jeez, Fern messed up a lot (j/k man ;)
Oh, and leave a comment if you can. And RATE IT 5 STARS, DAMMIT!!!

In other news, according to the our latest poll, Chase does, in fact, like men. Now we just have to wait for him to realize it....(I kid the Chaze! Do not hurt me!)

-Funkin' out

Super Paper Mario Video

This is a video of a review for the game Super Paper Mario for the Wii. Schnelly sent it to me last night and I thought it was pretty funny, so why not share it with y'all. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy.



Also, I'm thinking of changing the theme of the blog (Bioshock is SO 3 months ago). Do you have any ideas? Just leave a comment if you do, and make sure they're hardcore. I don't want any gay crap messing up the epic-ness that is my blog.

Keepin' it real, and...

-Funkin' out

Writer's Strike

You've probably heard this by now, but on Monday the Writer's Guild of America (WGA) went on strike. "Big whoop," you say, "what good are writers, anyway?" Well friends, without these writers, we are utterly f%&#ed. Until their demands are met, or some kind of deal is struck, the production of scripts for nearly all television programming comes to an abrupt halt. Let's see what that means for us:

Heroes - A shortened season of 10-15 episodes.
House - Another shortened season.
Pushing Daisies - A shortened season, not to mention the threat of cancellation (due to the fact that this is the show's premier season.
The Office - Even Steve Carell is on strike. No more Office this year. Dammit Steve, you are no longer in my High Five! (j/k man, we're cool)
Lost - Season could be cut in half (as it isn't scheduled to begin until February, not much work has been done on it)
24- Probably won't air this year at all, due to the necessity of 24 episodes.

Luckily, South Park and The Simpsons remain largely unaffected by this blasphemy. And blasphemy it is.

An episode centred on Guitar Hero!? Sweet.

I don't like to take sides on this issue, as I respect the writers' demands, especially those who aren't making 6 figure salaries. However, no TV and no beer make HOMER GO CRAZY!

Obviously, I'm quite upset that my TV viewing will be cut short this year. Very upset. My only hope is that these Hollywood assholes can make a deal that satisfies everyone as soon as possible, so my weekly viewings can continue as undisturbed. DAMMIT, TV IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS EDUCATION! GIMME MY BOOB TUBE!!!

If this lasts long enough, movies will even be affected. Pray to God it doesn't go that far.

-Funkin' out

The High Five

Yes, I'm sorry. It's been over half a month since my last blog post, and I'm sure you're all very mad at me. I have no excuse. I suppose I could blame it on school, but that would just be lying. It's really due to an increase in video game activity, lots of TV, and downright laziness. For which I truly do apologize. But enough of that.

The real point of this post is to introduce a new feature I hope to implement every once in a while, called "The High Five". I kind of stole the idea from another blog on another website, but I'm sure (hopefully) the author won't mind. Basically, The High Five is a series of five objects, events, people, places, etc. that I currently find to be very cool, and thus, I will be telling you about them in moderate detail. Also look for the upcoming "Low Five". I'm sure you can guess what that is.

THE HIGH FIVE - Nov. 2007

5. The month of November:

November is essentially the best month in the world of video games. Every November, a boatload of awesome games are shipped to retail, at which point, the consumer (Me) is able to jump into their fruity goodness (I'm not sure why they're fruity). This year, November is bringing us such frantastic (that's not a typo) titles as Super Mario Galaxy, Assassin's Creed, Rock Band, Mass Effect, and Call of Duty 4 just to name a few. Yes, November is a sweet, sweet month, which we shall cherish by suckling at its generous game spewing teat.

4. The Grindhouse:


This movie came out some time last April in the theaters as a three hour long, super-awesome double-feature horror film. The first movie in the Grindhouse, directed by the one and only Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, etc.) is aptly named "Death Proof". It entails the shenanigans of a silly (and oh so disturbed) stunt man who's one true purpose in life is to mow down poor, unsuspecting, sexy ladies in his crazy-ass, "death proof" stunt car. The second feature revolves around a rag-tag group of survivors in the aftermath of a bio-weapons experiment that went horribly, horribly wrong. It's called "Planet Terror" and is the spawn of director Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, Spy Kids). Both flicks are awesome and definitely must-see, now that they are both out on DVD.



3. Phantom Hourglass:

My apologies to all you phools who thought Nintendo couldn't pull it off, but you were wrong. Complete touch control works in a Zelda game. And it works well. The control is fluid, responsive, and incredible. You can draw the path of your boomerang, the swipe of your sword, and much more. This game was built from the ground up specifically for the Nintendo DS system, and it shows. Not once have I thought to myself during my experience (so far), "Now I wish I could've used a D-Pad here." The stylus works perfectly in almost every regard, however, I do think they could have used a button for rolling, and sometimes the stylus can get in the way of the action, but otherwise, it is nearly flawless. I can't believe its taken a developer this long to fully utilize the DS's capabilities in such an amazing and clever way. 9/10

2. Steve Carell:


This guy is hilarious. If you don't know who he is, you deserve a shotgun round to the head. Watch "The Office". It's the best comedy on TV right now, and he's a big part of what makes it so great. If you haven't seen "40 Year Old Virgin" by now, now's as good a time as any. And his new movie, "Dan in Real Life", is exceptional. Don't be fooled by its seemingly touchy-feely exterior, because even though this isn't one of his slapstick, crazy-ass comedies, it's still damn good. Both my brother and I were pleasantly surprised. 8/10

1. Drivin' mah Car:

HOLY CRUDMUFFINS! I'MMAH BE ABLE TO DRIVE ALL BY MAHSLEF IN LESS THAN TEH MONTHZORz!!1!!111!!1!!1 Sorry about that. But it's true. And I CAN'T F@#$ING WAIT! I will be free. FREE! So y'all better start sucking up to me if you wanna go places (Hint: I like candy).

That's all folks. Till next time, I'm...

-Funkin' Out

Nightmare

Check out mah brand new video: Nightmare. It's less than 2 minutes long, so its not quite as epic as "Finding Yourself". Still, it's not that bad, so....enjoy :P



Be sure to leave a rating (5/5 please) and comment on YouTube ;) Oh, and Chase: "wtf..." is not an adequate response.

-Funkin' out

You don't have TIME to smoke a bol--I mean--write a blog post

Ya ya, I know I haven't updated in a while. Yes, I've been busy with Halo 3, and school, and...other things. So this is just a minor update. To show everyone that I am, in fact, still alive. No i don't have anything to say at the moment, other than having four heavy academic courses in the same term is the shits. Seriously, how am I supposed to get anything done with only 2 flex blocks a week? It's blasphemous, is what it is.

On another note, I have finished Halo 3 (on heroic difficulty, of course. I'll have none of that "normal" bullshit), and plan to write a review of it. Because it pwns. And it deserves all the hype its been getting. Except for that "game fuel" stuff; that's just stupid. The Forge, however, is awesome. I just finished making a map/gametype where you have to take control of a hill that's being rained down upon by exploding fusion cores which are set to spew out of "man cannons" on either side of the map. In short, it PWNS.

I also said i have some short films that I plan on uploading at some point. I'll get around to that. Eventually. Don't rush me. I have to do a bunch of editing, and that takes a while, and I'm BUSY!

Oh yeah, and my brother is moving here (the same one I visited in Northern Saskatchewan), which will also be awesome.

So yeah, that's basically all i have to say right now. The Halo review should come within the next few weeks, and we'll see where things go from there. Have a nice October.

-Funkin out

I've got Halo 3 and YOU DON'T

That's right. I have Halo 3. And you DON'T. I got it early. What are you gonna do about it? NOTHIN'! Cuz there's nothin' you CAN DO! You're just gonna have to deal with it. Well, at least I've got a nice pretty picture of all my Halo 3 swag for you to drool over. Enjoy!

Damn, that's fine.

Sorry about the red electrician's tape. I had to prop up the controller somehow. Jeez, it takes a long time to upload a high res picture. Oh well.

I guess I better get back to playing. So I'll see ya on Live. If you HAVE it, that is.

-Funkin' out

Death of the Dragon

Shit. Shit. Shit. Robert Jordan (or James Oliver Rigney, Jr., if you prefer his real name), the awesome author of the Wheel of Time fantasy series, tragically passed away yesterday at 2 :45 PM. I hate to be insensitive, but DAMN! Now I'll never know the ending to this long-ass series. Well, Rand and co. will certainly live on forever in my heart, and via the transitive property, so will Mr. Jordan. Rest in peace, bud. Thanks for all the good times.

Light be with you

He did reveal the plot to his family and had started the last book, so with any luck, someone will pick up where he left off, and finish his legacy. Please! If you can hear me, O Higher Power, PLEASE END THIS SERIES FOR ME! Thank you.

-Grievin' out (does that make sense?)

Too Many Miis: Part 2

Alright, children; I'm back with part dos of my lovely double feature: Too Many Miis. In this final Mii entry, we'll take a look at some of the more well known Miis, as well as some of the down-right hilarious ones. So sit back, relax, crack open a...Coke, and enjoy the show!

First up, we've got two brothers you'll certainly recognize.

It's-a-them!

Unfortunately, there aren't any hats that look anything like theirs, so they had to go hatless. How tragic. Maybe Chase can find some mushrooms for them so they'll feel better.

Next, we have everyone's favourite pop-star:

I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm really, really, bad.

Surely, if he could climb out of the screen, he'd give you all a really big hug. Or more, if you're lucky. Don't get too excited though, Mr. Jackson is a very busy....man.

Of course, I'm sure MJ would this little guy an extra special hug:

It's everyone's favourite fascist!

It's Adolf, Jr.! Not, to be confused with Li'l Hitler, who is a completely different person. Yep. Completely different.

Next up is one of our very best friends. It's Schn--I mean it's Mr. Burns!

Excellent.

Aw, look at him smile. He looks like such a happy guy. This was the only Simpsons character I could make that looked anything like the character in the show. Hey, you try finding 3 foot tall blue hair in the Mii-editor.

Of course, I had to include the hardest of the hardcore: Mr. Samuel L. Jackson!

"Enough of these mother****ing snakes, on this mother****ing plane!"

He's even got the mysterious shades, just to make him that much more cooler. Cuz he is. That much more cooler. Than you.

Here's a psychic little boy from an RPG I've never played. But he's still cool.

PK Fire!

Ya, it's Ness! Frankly, the only reason he's here is because he was easy to make. I don't really have anything interesting to say about him, other than I hope he gets his rightful place in Brawl.

You were waiting for this moment, and now it's here. The most wonderful Mii you could ever imagine:

Zee govuhnator.

It's everyone's favourite stocking-stuffer, Mini Schwartz! Schnelly just can't wait for Christmas time; he loves his Mini Schwartz.


Finally, here's what Chase'll look like in five years if he keeps playing MKDS like he does.

And this is how Schnelly will look if he doesn't start getting some sunshine:

The light; it burns!

Well, that's all folks. I hope you had a good time viewing the all the Miis I've created. Since this is the final part of Too Many Miis, you probably won't be seeing them for a while. So say buh-bye! I might do another, similar feature in the future when I have more Miis to show off, but until then...

-Funkin' Out

BioShock: Review

Hello, and welcome to my first ever review to be posted on my oh so wonderful blog: Lair Of Funk. As a heads-up to you all, I'll probably start doing review of games, movies, and books more frequently as I start to get into the swing of things, but this is kind of a trial run, and we'll see how thing go from here. Also, this is NOT the "awesome" post I referred to in my last entry, as I've decided to postpone that bombshell until next week. I've also got a few other tricks up my sleeve. Hint: think new videos. Well, enough of that nonsense. Without further ado, I give you my opinion of the genetically enhanced shooter for the Xbox 360: BioShock.

In all it's glory

BioShock is not a game to be played. BioShock is a game to be experienced. This so called "shooter" from the former Irrational Games studio (now renamed to 2K Boston and 2K Australia) may look like a somewhat traditional fps at first glance, but after a few minutes of BioShock, you'll see how truly unique and incredible it is.

Taking place at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, in an undersea utopia called "Rapture", BioShock tells the story of a brilliant vision gone horribly, horribly wrong. You are the lone survivor of a cross-Atlantic flight that just so happens to crash near a lonely lighthouse in the middle of the ocean. Why is it there? Is your finding it a mere coincidence? Upon entering the lighthouse, you find a small, submersible bathysphere which brings you down into the depths of the ocean, where you see Rapture for the first time.

Pretty, ain't it?

Even at your first look of the under-sea city, you know something is not right. Rapture was the spawn of the supposedly brilliant Andrew Ryan, a man whose vision it was for Man to be entitled to "the sweat of his brow". In Rapture, artists were not held back by the weak; scientists were unconstrained by morals and what was considered "right and wrong". These philosophies gave way to several remarkable breakthroughs, most notably, the use of "Adam" and the creation of "plasmids".

Adam is a substance used to alter your genetic code, and thereby changing your abilities as a human being. By using Adam and splicing plasmids, you could do or become just about anything. As one cosmetic surgeon so eerily put it: "What if it is now not my skill that limits me, but my imagination?"

As you might have guessed, the desire for Adam became strong. Very strong. Before long, the people of Rapture were at war. Adam was tearing the city apart. Citizens became so spliced up with plasmids and gene enhancers that they went mad, lost there families, and became increasingly aggressive and violent.

Gameplay-wise, this adds up to some interesting new developments. By splicing plasmids, you yourself can wield fire, ice, thunder, and even killer bees, right from your fingertips. Most of the plasmids work amazingly well, and the number of ways you can take down your enemies still surprises me. But of course, Adam does not grow on trees. You must take it from the bodies of "Little Sisters", young girls who have been modified to become the city's Adam collectors. They roam the halls of Rapture searching for dead bodies from which they can harvest Adam, all the while protected by the gargantuan "Big Daddies", protective, diving suit adorned behemoths. In order to get to the Little Sisters, you'll have to go through the Big Daddy. And they are tough.

Aww, how cute!

This is where the major moral choice comes into play. Once you've defeated the Big Daddy, do you "harvest", or "rescue" the Little Sister? By harvesting, you receive the maximum amount of Adam from the little girl's body, but the process will kill her. Rescuing her will give you much less Adam, but you won't harm the little girl and she will be returned to her pre-Adam state. The choices you make with these Little Sisters will actually affect the course of the game, and each choice has its pros and cons, so it really makes you think.

Moving back to gameplay, BioShock plays extremely well. It's usually a fluid experience, but it does occasionally drop in frame rate, and the physics engine seems to create the odd graphical hiccup. But the sheer amount of ways you can play this game more than makes up for its shortcomings. You can use just weapons, or you could decide to stick to plasmids. Most players will find themselves using a healthy combination of the two. The games primary adversaries, splicers, come in many forms, and have some impressive A.I. They'll run and hide when they're hurt, take cover behind pillars, jump in the water when they're on fire, and make a break for the health station when they're about to die. Throughout all this, they'll be screaming comments at you that are usually relevant to what's happening around you. And I rarely heard them repeating lines.

Zap.

Big Daddies are even more fun to deal with. They won't harm you until you've harmed them or their Little Sister, so you can move around them, setting up traps, like trip wires and proximity mines, until they run into one and get uber pissed. You can even use a plasmid to make a Big Daddy your friend; he'll follow you around the level, beating down all your enemies.

The game isn't perfect, mind you. As you progress through the levels, the splicers you face gain health and do more damage, so instead facing off against new enemies, you basically fight steroid enhanced versions of the same guys you've been killing the entire game. Near the end of the game, the amount of health they have is ridiculous. For instance, a point blank shotgun blast should kill instantly, but no, somehow these guys manage to withstand 2 or 3, making the experience lose some of its realistic feel.

The hacking mini game. Not so much fun...

Some might be put off by the strange death/spawn system as well, in which you are spawned in a large tube-like apparatus called a "Vita-Chamber" when you die. This seems kind of unnecessary, seeing as how you can save at any point, and when you are re-spawned, you have most of you life, and the enemies you were fighting do not regain theirs. This makes the whole adventure a little easier than some might like, virtually allowing you to wander around Rapture with almost no fear of death.

Moving back to the good parts (of which there are many) the atmosphere and genuine feel of this game are incredible. The eerie halls of Rapture are so immersive, you'd think you were actually in an under-sea city back in the '60s. The wide range of authentic '50s music, and scary, yet thrilling noises that you'll hear throughout the city are equally impressive. Add some engrossingly detailed graphics and art to the mix and you've got yourself quite a pretty package.

Harvest, or rescue?

When it comes down to it, BioShock is simply an amazing game worthy of any Xbox owner's hard earned cash. The variety of gameplay, extent of exploration, and beautiful artistic design make an experience so incredible that you could wander around Rapture for hours on end and still find wonderful new places to explore. The plot is one of the best I've seen in any game, movie or book, and brilliant voice-acting coupled with dozens of unique, audio diaries that tell the story of Rapture really make the experience believable. It is so believable, in fact, that I would hardly be surprised if I went down to the bottom of the real Atlantic Ocean and saw the ruined city with my own eyes.

Presentation: 10/10
One of the best stories in video game history, along with fluid navigation through a logical menu system, combined to make an overall impressive package. The audio diaries are genius!

Visuals: 9/10
While its no Gears of War, BioShock's graphical style and beautiful artistry really add to the atmosphere of the whole experience.

Audio: 9.5/10
Brilliant voice acting, period music, and eerie sound effects make an already great game even better. Certain voices and sounds randomly cut out once or twice while I was playing, leaving some confusion, however.

Gameplay: 9/10
BioShock's gaming mechanics make a atmospheric and immersive game, where two fights truly never play out quite the same way, but a sketchy death system, unrealistic enemy health and little enemy variety do leave the game feeling a little...lazy, at times.



Overall: 9.5 out of 10 (not an average)

Well, I hope you enjoyed my review. I'll see y'all next week. 'Till then--

-Funkin' Out

Renovations...and MORE unfairness

Ya, ya, I know, you want a full length blog post. Well, you're just gonna have to wait a little while longer because i don't have the time right now. The wait will be worth it; I've got a good one coming. Actually, I have quite a few good ideas for upcoming posts. But more on that later.

As you can no doubt see, I've changed the image of my blog quite a bit. I hope you like deep sea blue. Mostly, this change comes with the completely harmless obsession I seem to have acquired for BioShock, an AWESOME new shooter for the Xbox 360, which I completed just yesterday. It's all done now, and that makes me sad. I WANT MORE BIOSHOCK! I've channeled all my pain into this pretty new layout for my blog though, so I hope you all enjoy ;)

School has started. I'm not too happy about that. I do NOT want to start doing homework again. Too much God damned STUDYING! I just wanna play some Bioshock...mmm.....BioShock....

Big Daddy. 'Nuff said.

Whoa, I think I kinda zoned out there. Whoopsies. Anyway, I'm pissed that school has started again. In fact, I'm still in denial about the whole thing. I refuse to wear long pants or jackets, and will continue to wear my awesome Teva sandals until I SAY SUMMER'S OVER! Well, that's enough rant for now. I'll just go eat a cookie now...or something.

-Funkin' Out

Say Buh-bye Summer!

Okay, it's the last seven minutes of August, so I have to make a quick blog post to bring my score up to "4" for the month. Don't worry, I'll do another "real" post in the next few days, but this should tide you over.

I just got back from a quick trip to a little island with my darling family (neices mostly). 'Twas alright. I guess. It's kinda hard to see anything as "fun" when you have to go back to school in a few days. I did get a wicked injury though; I went flying over my handlebars while biking down a trail and landed in some gravel. It was pretty bloody. I've got the bandage to prove it:

Oh noez! Cole is in distress!

Uh oh, I only have one more minute of August, so I better post this now. Well guys, I'll see ya in September! Have a good one.

-Funkin' Out

Too Many Miis: Part 1

As summer slowly draws to a close, I give my adoring fans what they've always wanted: strange cartoon like video game caricatures of themselves and random celebrities/characters. I've actually had these "Miis" for a while now, and was planning on making a blog post about them for quite some time. Well, now's as good a time as any!

So, without further ado, I present to you: zee MIIS!!!11!!1!

Why do the pants come up so high? Are they hiding something?

This is me, as you can no doubt see from the name. Alas, I couldn't quite get the Mii maker to capture my astonishing good looks. Well, it's still pretty sexy anyway. After all, he is wearing an orange shirt; how much cooler can you get?


Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh, wait--nevermind, it's just Schnelly.

Did you know that "Andrew" means "manly"? NOW YOU KNOW!

Here's what Chase looks like after a long night of Mario Karting. Don't even get him started on those 114 hours of Pokemon Diamond. He might just stab you in the knee...no, I suppose he's not really the violent type, is he?

Enthusiastic, ain't he?

Speaking of violence, check out this sexy Mii of Fern. I'm sure he'll be very pleased.

He comes with a red hat, ladies

You know, you should probably show this pic to that girl you like. I'm sure she'd be very impressed. Now what was her name again? R....Raa....Rach--no, that's not it. It was Peas, wasn't it? Fern really likes Peas.


OH EMM GEEZ! RUN! HIDE! SAVE YOURSELVES! WE WILL SURELY DIE IF GODZIRRA FINDS US! PLEASE GOD! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON OUR POOR SOULS!!! I kid! You can't look like Godzirra if you aren't green!

You can probably guess who this one is.

Last, but most certainly not least (not quite anyway), I give you Fish.

Don't it look just like him?

Ah, good old Fish. That Mii makes me laugh every time. I might have made him a bit too short tho; I'll have to fix that. Poor guy. His Xbox broke. We feel for you, buddy, we really do. Well, off to play some Halo then? No, just teasing Fish. But you really do need to get a Live subscription. How else are you gonna whore those turrets?

That's all for now folks, but be sure to tune in next week (or whenever I get around to it) for part two of this epic journey through the crazy alternate dimension of the Miis!

-Funkin' Out

Mid-Monther

Ya, it's been a couple weeks since my last blog entry. I'm so very sorry. It won't happen again. Except it probably will, so don't getch'er panties in a twist. I've been...well, I can hardly say busy, can I? I've been doing pretty much nothing since I got back from my last trip, and it's been pretty boring. BOOOORING. I have been playing a lot of Oblivion. I mean a LOT. That game is @#$%ING HUGE! Seriously you could pour a hundred hours into it and still only have done half the things the game has to offer. Along with the main storyline, there are basically four more entire games shoved into the package: The Fighter's Guild, Mage's Guild, Thieve's Guild (shh...that's not supposed to exist) and the Dark Brotherhood. And you can't forget the Arena. There's another at least 3 or 4 hours.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that this game is massive. If you ever happen to have lost your life and have hundreds of free hours and an Xbox 360 or PC handy, BUY THIS GAME. If you have a life, I advise you to STAY AWAY. Because it will consume you, digest you, spew you out its rear end, and move on to some other helpless victim.

Oblivion, however, was not the reason I started writing this post. No, this was supposed to be an update on what is currently pissing me off. So I will begin now.

The movie industry seems to have it right. Films are always released to the theatres on Friday, or sometimes Saturday. They know that that's when people have the time to go see a movie. They understand this, and it allows them to make bucket loads of money on their opening weekend.

For some strange reason, though, the videogame industry hasn't quite caught on to this concept. They seem to think that buy releasing their games in the middle of the week, people will have time to play them. This pisses me off.

No, Mr. Miyamoto, TUESDAY IS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR ME TO PLAY ZELDA. I HAVE SCHOOL AND/OR WORK ON TUESDAY. TUESDAY IS NOT GOING TO WORK. Seriously, have you ever noticed that games NEVER come out on weekends? You don't believe me? Okay, I will list off a FEW of the upcoming offenders.

-Bioshock, Tuesday, Aug. 21
-Metroid Prime 3, Monday, Aug. 27
-Halo 3, Tuesday, Sept. 25
-Batallion Wars 2, Monday, Oct. 29
-Super Mario Galaxy, Monday, Nov. 12
-Assassin's Creed, Tuesday, Nov. 13
-Super Smash Bros Brawl, Monday, Dec. 3

These are not games I specifically picked because they all come out on Monday and Tuesday. I thought of each one randomly (they all look like they're gonna be awesome) and checked a calendar to match up their release dates. I don't understand it. There must be some reason for it! Why would they all come out at the beginning of the week, just so we have to wait around until Friday or Saturday just to get in a few hours of playing time? I think they're taunting us. They know we can't do anything about it, so they release them on TUESDAY and watch us squirm for the rest of the week. The love it. They get a kick out of it. Those bastards.

-Funkin' out

Home again, and another update

Well children, I'm back from my little trip. No, it wasn't that long actually. It was fun though. House boating is definitely hardcore. You should have seen the party boat that pulled up beside us on the last night. Man, they were WASTED! It was hilarious. And it's really hard to hang on to the back of a sea-doo. I think it's actually easier to hold on if your being pulled behind it on a tube. Which shouldn't be the case. Anyhoo....(that's not a real word) :(

I saw the Simpsons movie already, so....sorry if you wanted to see it. My brother wanted go and who was I to turn down a chance to see the Simpsons movie? It was good, so you should definitely check that out. Lol....Spiderpig! Priceless.


What really angers me though, are the brain-dead people in the theatre that laugh at every single little joke, even if it isn't very funny. It starts to get annoying. And they cheered when the movie started. And clapped when it finished. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?? I don't get it. They're just stupid...it's not like the director, or actors, or anyone who made the film, for that matter, are in the room to hear the applause. Who are they applauding? The screen? The guy upstairs changing the film reels? If I ever clap after a movie in a theatre, please shoot me in the knee. Because I'll deserve it.

HALO 3 UPDATE:

Co-op functionality revealed! Yes, it will be online co-op. But it gets better. It won't be just for 2 people. Or 3. No, Halo 3 co-op is compatible with up to FOUR players! I can taste the superduper hardcore uberness right now. Now Schnelly and Fish better get their Xboxes and Live accounts cuz I'm gonna be playing some HALO ONLINE CO-OP ON LEGENDARY, BABY! AND WE'ZE GONNZA PWN THOZE BRUTE BITCHES INTO TEH GROUNDzORz!!1!!1!1 Hellz ya.

September 25th, children, September 25th.

Alright I think I'mmah gonna wrap this baby up now. Unless I can think of anything else to say. Other than I'm going to be very bored for a while, what with everyone being away on summer holidays and me being....here. I hope something interesting happens. I've already spent one day doing nothing, I don't know how much more I can take. Oh wellz. At least I've still got Resident Evil 4 to finish off. I'll see y'all 'round.

-Funkin' out

Funkin' Out

Unfortunately for us all, summer is almost halfway over. But I, at least, will not be complaining for a while yet. Tomorrow, I'm going on yet another trip, this time to a rather large lake in the middle of the province, to do some good old fashion....house boating. I did it last year with some friends and it was quite a lot of fun. I can't wait to get out there again, there are definitely some good times to be had.

This is going to be a short post, cuz I don't have much more to say than that I'm leaving and won't be back for a little while. Don't expect to hear from me for about a week or so :P

I do, however, really want to see the Simpsons movie. So if some of you (people I know who read this regularly; you know who you are) still haven't seen it by the time I get back, maybe we can get together and have some happy Homer times. It's going to be such an awesome movie. It's already got a 9.0 out of 10 on the Internet Movie Database (practically unheard of) and ranks among IMDb's top 100 movies of all time. Simply put, it's going to knock your soxorz off.

Ah, the new Harry Potter book. Yes, I have it. No, I have not begun reading it. Why? Because I'm currently 300 some odd pages into a 900 page book which if put on hold now, I'll never remember what was going on in the plot. So I'm just going to have to finish that before I get around to reading The Deathly Hallows. Plus, my brother is reading my copy right now, so I couldn't read it even if I wanted to.

E3 afterthoughts: Resident Evil 5 is going to be awesome. Check out the extended E3 trailer here. LINKY! It's the first video on that page. Click on "High-res" or "Low-res" under "Watch it now". To see a ton of really cool games that were demoed at E3, go to this page, and click on any of the videos there. You can click on the days (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday) to see approx. 20 minute demos of tons of games from every day of E3. You can even watch M-soft's press conference on Tuesday and Nintendo and Sony's on Wednesday. Pretty nifty, despite how much Gamespot pisses me off.

Alright, that's all for now, and remember, I'll see y'all in about a week or so. Till then, I'm...

-Funkin' out

E3: The (not so) Big One

I'm sure most of you know (or at least have heard of) this special annual event called the Electronic Entertainment Expo (or E3 for short). Well, in case you need reminding, it's a huge convention held every year to promote electronics (mostly just videogames). Over the years, this event grew to become one of the largest conventions ever, but last year, the industry decided it was just getting too chaotic. They had to scale it down. This was because just about anyone who wanted to could get into E3, regardless of your (lack of) position within the gaming industry. In fact, over 60 000 people went to E3 in 2006. This made for long lines and desperate journalists running around the convention centre trying to see everything and do their job within 3 short days. So E3, as we know it, was completely remade.

For 2007, the expo was scaled back to less than a quarter of its original size, with only about 5000 people admitted to the show. This was somewhat controversial for the industry, gamers, and journalists alike, but I'm not going to go into that because that's not the reason I made this blog post. The point of this post is to give a little insight into the 3 major companies' presentations at E3 2007. I'll start off with mah favourite :)

NINTENDO: "Nowa, da people, they thinka we cool"

Ah, Nintendo. My long time favourite video game developer and publisher. What has become of you? Has this sudden, world-wide attention gone to your head? I have to say, the Nintendo press conference was a little disappointing. They focused so much on the new "mainstream demographic" that they practically forgot about the traditional hardcore gamer. See, there are are casual gamers (not "real" gamers that only play video games once in a while) and there are hardcore gamers ("real" gamers that are love games and are devoted to playing them regularly; THAT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE LOSERS DAMMIT!). Nintendo's focus with the Wii is to bring everyone together, both gamers and nongamers, but recently Nintenso seems to be alienating its loyal fan base in favour of the greater majority of the "casual" or "mainstream" crowd.

This pisses me off.


I am what you would call a hardcore gamer. I love games, they are my passion. I know that sounds lame, but some people like music, some people like art, some people like animals. I like games. They are, in their own way, a very unique art form. No other medium allows you to interact at such a level of immersion as video games do. They let you do things you would never dream of in real life, and see things you will never have the honour to truly experience. A good game can take you places you could never have imagined, but note, I said good games. These silly, mainstream, "easy to pick up and play" games are good in small doses, but Nintendo needs to realize that they cannot continue to rely on these alone.

I love Nintendo, and most of its franchises: Mario, Zelda, Metroid, etc. and THESE are the games that keep the hardcore crowd satisfied. These are REAL video games. I understand, that games such as Wii Fit are great money makers, but I sincerely hope that they will never drown out the good games, the REAL games. When I say I was disappointed by Nintendo's conference, I say so because the only major games announced were of the Wii Sports variety. I know there are some amazing games on the way, (Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3, SSBB), but what comes after that? I hope Nintendo has something up its sleeve, because it can't afford to give up its hardcore fan base. Without that, Nintendo just isn't Nintendo.

Final note: I want to make it clear that there are some really good games coming from Nintendo this year, and one hardcore announcement was made: Mario Kart Wii will be coming in early '08, and that's going to please a lot of Kart fans, myself included. Another thing I want to mention is my hope that third party developers will start making some quality games for the Wii, so we can enjoy some games that weren't made by Nintendo. I think that would really help the system thrive and become a well rounded game console. Finally, the Nintendo DS was not given too much lovin' this E3, apart from Phantom Hourglass, so I hope to see some cool new stuff in the months to come.

MICROSOFT: "We like money"

Good ol' M$. Yup, Microsoft came to E3, and...it wasn't much more impressive than Nintendo, frankly. The majority of announcements included titles such as Scene It! (the board/DVD game, now for your Xbox!) and Viva Pinata: Party Animals (a Mario Party ripoff, without the well known characters). You can't really blame them though; most of MS's big titles have already been announced: Halo 3, Bioshock, Mass Effect, Too Human, Alan Wake, and the rest. The most exciting part of Microsoft's press conference was probably the spectacular Resident Evil 5 trailer, which really got me shaking in those hypothetical booties. Seriously, check it out. (Not an Xbox exclusive, mind you)



What else was special about Microsoft at E3? Not much really. As I said before, there were very few interesting announcements, and aside from a few neat trailers and demonstrations (Assassin's Creed) Microsoft's presentation was a little bland. Halo 3 was pretty much a no show, with only a measly single player trailer and some retarded real life promotional video. Oh, and the announcement of an ugly camo green Halo 3 Xbox 360 (big whoop). Don't get me wrong, though, Microsoft has some great stuff on the way, and I will likely be broke by the end of the holiday season due to all its great games, its just that I didn't think their E3 presentation was particularly strong.

I'm sure if I actually got to go to the show and play some of the games, I would be completely impressed, but its all stuff I've pretty much seen before, you know? No big announcements. Nothing completely mind blowing. They could've had a big Halo 3 demonstration, or Peter Molyneux (I dunno how to spell) up on stage showing off Fable 2. But they didn't. Just a lot of talk, not a lot of bang.

SONY: "We are verrry innovative."

Sony is probably my least favourite of the Big 3. I don't have a PS3 or a PSP (I sold it; not enough good games), and I've used my PS2...twice, I think. But considering all this, Sony had an all right show from my point of view. They really showed off a lot of games and made a few interesting announcements. They really showed a lot of games. Game after game after game after game. I was actually pretty impressed with their PSP line-up and like the new slimmed down version of the PSP. It's not nearly as big a change as DS phat was to DS lite, but its pretty cool nonetheless (I might actually get one, now that there's some cool games for PSP).

I liked how they used "Home" during the conference to show off some of their games. Very nice. If you haven't heard of Home, its a game-type-program being released for free on the Playstation Network that allows you to create a virtual version of yourself and plop him (or her) down into a virtual world where you can customize him and communicate with other PS3 users. You get your own apartments and houses and are able to start up real games with people you meet in "Home" right within the interface. It's a pretty cool feature, especially considering its a free download.

Unfortunately, there wasn't any information on Lair, a really cool motion sensing dragon riding game developed by the makers of the Rogue Squadron games for GameCube. This game looks super cool, and will be the reason I get a PS3, if I ever do (along with Bluray).

Keep in mind that the main reason I sound so positive about Sony is probably because I didn't expect much from them and they went beyond my expectations, whereas I expected more from Nintendo and Microsoft, and therefore wasn't quite satisfied. I am, however looking forward to some great games on all three major systems, (as well as the handhelds).

NOTABLE GAMES:

Wii Fit- This is going to be HUGE. The press is going to eat this one up and Nintendo is going to make millions from it. And there is definitely some potential in that new "Wii balance board" (snowboarding game, anyone?)

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption- AWESOME game. I can't wait to play what is supposedly going to be the best controlling first person game on any console. And the graphics and art are really nice, especially for Wii. Resident Evil 5- This trailer is HOT. Check it out.

Halo 3- Even though it was hardly mentioned, I am still totally psyched (is that right?) for this game. Say Halo to my little friend :)

Assassin's Creed- I really want to try this game out. Look it up if you don't know much about it, because it looks really cool.

GAME OF THE SHOW:

Super Mario Galaxy- This game is going to be F#@%ING SWEET!!!11!!1 Spectacular physics, awesome graphics and effects, a brilliant concept, and the first real successor to the renowned Super Mario 64. This one is going to blow you away.

WHERE WERE YOU?:

-Super Smash Bros. Brawl
-Halo 3
-Spore
-Lair

BEST MOMENT: Chewbacca walking on the stage to announce the kickass ceramic white PSP with an image of Darth Vader printed on the back. Hey, who doesn't love Chewie?

Do I look like a beer-swillin' hosehead?

Check out this awesome Weird Al Yankovic Song I just found on YouTube. I can't believe I've never heard it before; it's so hardcore! Consider it part 2 of my Canada Day blog (I know it was over a week ago, but w/e, deal with it. The music has been put to a series of video clips taken from Bob and Doug Mackenzie, which makes it even better. So enjoy, ya hosers!



On another note, today is Chase's Birthday, so y'all wish him a sweet sixteen! I'm sure he's very excited about getting his Learner's :P Congratz, dumbass! XD You better invite a bunch of people over for some seriously hardcore Halo playin' (at which I will inevitably pwn your sorry asses). That'd be kickass (such a cool word).

I just got back from a weekend camping trip today, and tomorrow I'm leaving with my nieces and sister-in-law on a road trip across the country (well, almost half of it anyway) So you might not hear from me for a week or so. I'll try to get to a computer and check up on you guys though, so don't feel too neglected. I'll see you when I get back; I know you'll all be holding your breath.

I don't think I have much more to say, so I better quit before I get too incoherent. Oh noez, it's already happening. BLARGH

Catch ya l8r homeslice (that was really lame :| )

-Funkin' out